Connecting in a Disconnected World

I have been in a relationship for almost 6 years now; so I “almost” forget what it was like to be single. Also, for the last 3 years I have been entrenched in digital marketing – everything from Facebook, Twitter and all of the new things in between: Snapchat, Instagram etc. Something that I haven’t been quite so, I suppose, fortunate to be completely taken in by is this whole world of internet dating.

To preface, there is absolutely nothing wrong with meeting your soulmate on the web. We enjoy busier than normal lives, some my even border on being addicted to the stress that accompanies this hectic lifestyle. I have been told that I “do too much”; to which I respond with a huffy – “nonsense” and know that I have my own unhealthy addiction to the stress of being busy. That whole concept is for another post.

What I want to talk about is this idea of attempting to find a connection through the glaring blue-white light of a computer screen (or smartphone or iPad, whatever you fancy). A human connection. It sounds funny right? If you want to go meet someone, why don’t you just go out into the real world and meet someone? Sounds simple right? Ok, maybe not so much. My makeup isn’t right, I didn’t brush my hair, I have to figure out how to “small talk”, I have to know where to put my hands, and the ever relevant – I just don’t have the time to go out there and meet people.

Maybe it is because I come from the Prairies I still have this idea in the back of my head that conversations are meant to take place in person, over perhaps copious glasses of coffee or wine and consist of feeding into each others attachment hormones so that you build a strong connection. When I moved to the big city of Toronto, I think in general I have become increasingly colder – more suspicious, less likely to make eye contact. I don’t think it is a good thing, perse, but I understand why this is necessary.

Sun & Moon

Sun & Moon

Now, back to dating. When myself and my fiancee met, its was just at the cusp of the explosion that was social media. We added each other on Facebook but rarely texted; we met in person and *gasp* talked on the phone. There was no real relationship online because there never had to be? Long drawn out texts wondering what the other person is thinking was never part of the dating game for me.

So I wonder just how out of my depth I would be if I was out there trying to meet someone nice again? I am not sure. I am thankful every day that I have what I have with Kevin, but I am a little hippie-esque when I say that “All You Need Is Love”. The advice I have for people trying to meet in the digital age is limited, but I do have some knowledge from a marketing standpoint and all I can say is this – make sure you are not falsely advertising yourself.

anima

Make sure that your brand, who you are online matches what you can do offline. No one likes false or misleading advertising.

Unless you are willing to constantly just pretend to be someone else for an undetermined amount of time? And whatever happened to just being monogamous to one person once you found someone who might be nice or a good fit? No… its almost like we need to keep other options open, like bidding on multiple products on eBay or something. Of course, to each his or her own, but don’t be surprised if that is something you are doing that your potential partners are doing the same thing.

It is like having a lot of options but very few connections. So here’s a thought. Why not, your next text out you say “Want to meet up?” It doesn’t have to be an extravaganza. And be specific, don’t just let the invite hang in the air with nowhere to land. Once they say yes, state a specific date and a time and a place. They will adjust you if it needs to be. And poof! Go and take some time out of your day and connect. Have fun🙂

This gallery contains 10 photos.

lightspeedsound: Bethann Hardison on racism in the fashion industry. From About Face: Supermodels then and now Same thing for #asianchicks !

On That Letter to the Future Mrs. Clooney

Recently an article has been making its way through the newsfeeds and the online blogosphere in regards to how intelligent the future Mrs. Clooney is – not to mention gorgeous, successful and (wait for it…)she is in her later 30s. I actually quite enjoyed the article, on how women should not have the choose between one or the other. That is, why should a woman choose between having everything that she strives for from a a career and the alternative, being a wife and mother etc.

There seems to be an issue here that while I thought that the letter was fantastic, that there is proof out there that women can have it all. AND George Clooney to boot (who I never ever understood the appeal of, but I can get to that later). I am more concerned with the need for us women to justify why were are or are not doing something. For instance, if a women chooses to have a child, there always seems to be some preemptive and long drawn out reason why or even WHY NOT to have kids.

Mrs. George Clooney

Mrs. George Clooney

These reasons why we make choices in our lives, from having a husband or life parter, sexual orientation, having kids or even career choices are ultimately personal. I don’t really think blasting our justifications all over social media will make us feel more secure about our own decision. Because at the end of the day, your choices will ultimately only affect one person… you got it, YOU. And if you constantly feel the need to justify what you are or are not doing, maybe that time is better spent on changing what it is that you feel the need to overcompensate for.

That being said, I am a firm believer that you should honestly not give a flying f*ck about what anyone thinks. This goes even for people who may really love you. I know.

This is because they will always ultimately try and push their own biased opinion on YOU (mainly because they love you). How do I know? BECAUSE I DO IT. I don’t want friends or loved ones to get hurt, so when I hear of one life decision or another I can feel the judgy and ego-part of my brain immediately try to form an opinion over what they should do. But through growing up, I have realized that my opinion should not matter to that person. I am not living their life and there will always been factors unaccounted for that have pushed them one way or another.

All you can do is support and do your best to just be happy with your own choices!

Racism and The NBA

I am going to be blatantly honest at this point and say that I haven’t really been following the NBA, basketball or the Raptors. I am well aware the “we” are in the playoffs (mainly because I haven’t been living under a rock); that we are playing New Jersey, and the fact that Ri-Ri made some questionable fashion choices at one of the games. That being said, I have been made aware of the comments made by the owner of the Los Angeles Clippers which have been deemed as racist. This has resulted in a ban from the NBA for life.

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Now, with myself and my sister being the result of a multitude of cultures crashing together  – of course I am outraged at the comments of the owner. Not to mention that such comments are downright ironic as the ladyfriend that he was saying such things to is herself half-black and Mexican. However, do the private comments and opinions of an owner warrant the punishment that has been dealt? Click the link for a transcript of the comments: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dZh6WGbZUvA

What is Racism anyways? And more importantly, who isn’t racist? Don’t we all make opinions towards other cultures and races that are not similar to ourselves based on media portrayal, stereotypes and really the small fragments of information that have been given to us? I once dated a very nice white guy when I was in high school, and when I went over for dinner – his brother teased me for loving rice because, you know, I am half asian. His mother responded with outrage that his brother would say such a thing and was reprimanded. I sat there unsure, was someone teasing you for an ideal that has been widely socially accepted a form of racism? I’m not sure. I just know I wasn’t really offended by it, but there was such FEAR surrounding the thought that you could be thought of as racist that the punishment rained down swift and sure.

Is it the racism that is the issue, or the actions as a result of the racism that is more of the problem? How do you deal with “thought crime”. Are we not allowed to have thoughts that are considered less-than-pure? That being said, I am interested to see how this own ban for life will play out. How it will hold up in court if it will go down that way. What are your thoughts?

Wedding Belle

It’s been a little while since I have posted and so much has happened since then. Most notably, I have just become engaged. We are planning for the wedding to be in 2015 (around Valentines Day) in one of the most beautiful places we have been… Cozumel, Mexico. I don’t really want to make this post about that, though. I actually want to look at what the difference is between getting married, getting engaged, becoming exclusive, first date, etc.

This is a shout out to my beautiful still-single females out there.

Whether you eventually want to get married, or not, or desperately want a partner – or not; I want you to believe in yourself and make your own rules. Get married at 20, get married at 50. Have 10 kids, 1 kid… or maybe just a dog. Date who you want to date, not who you think you should date or who you think people (even important people) think you should date.

Find someone who makes you laugh.

Don’t be so hard on yourself, it is about a connection – and you can’t force anything.

Because at the end of the day, it’s YOU who is in that relationship. Not your best girlfriends, not your parents… you.

But most of all. Above all things in a man, I want you to look for a man who is KIND. Not nice, not a “nice guy”. But someone who is KIND. Someone who treats people with respect, care and understanding. Someone who honestly wants to do the right thing. And not just for you, just in general! Kind to animals, the elderly and to your kid sister!

I think when you honestly want that for yourself, then it will come. Just putting the good vibrations out there!!! xoxox